Dating & Relationships

Should I go on a date with someone with a child if I’m worried about navigating this new experience?

It is completely natural to feel uncertain about going on a date with someone who has a child, especially if it is a new experience for you. In fact they might also feel nervous as they find the right balance between dating and their responsibilities as a parent. Nevertheless, they may be a fantastic partner if they have the traits that make them a wonderful parent, such as patience, responsibility, and empathy.

Relationship expectations and boundaries

Take a moment to reflect on what you truly want from a relationship. Are you open to casual dating, or are you hoping for something more serious and long-term? Understanding what the other person seeks is equally important - whether they want to build a meaningful connection or prefer something less committed. Clear communication early on can help ensure your intentions are aligned.

Consider your readiness

Dating someone with a child takes patience, emotional maturity, and flexibility. Parents often have to run around multiple responsibilities, with their schedules changing around their parenting duties. This means you might need to accept last-minute changes and be willing to compromise when necessary. Naturally, your partner's child will also be their top priority. It’s important to think about whether you’re okay with the fact that their child will always come first, and that your partner’s focus will often be more on their child. 

In addition, don't rush into meeting their child or assume how they’ll treat you right away. It can take time for kids, mostly for older ones, to get used to a new person, especially if they’ve already gone through tough changes like a divorce or separation.

Over time, you may start to build relationships with other family members and become part of a blended family dynamic. Ask yourself if you're ready to adapt and learn from the unique challenges that come with being in a relationship with a parent.

It is important to reflect on your emotional readiness as well. The dynamics of dating a parent with multiple obligations may be easier to handle if you have a secure attachment. Anxious or avoidant tendencies may increase your insecurities or worries as you might find it difficult to deal with the dynamic of your partner prioritizing their child's needs. You can better manage this by reflecting on your attachment style, building self-confidence, and striving for emotional stability. This would necessitate a lot of self-awareness and personal development. 

Take it slow 

You do not have to feel committed right away. Start with a few dates to gauge your feelings and determine whether a connection is worth exploring. 

Feelings grow through the small, meaningful moments. If you are open to letting people in, it shows there is already room for patience and connection in your heart. Moreover, being with someone who has a child can be incredibly rewarding. Even if you have not yet planned to have children, over time, this could be a meaningful opportunity to explore what it might be like to step into a parental role.

Additional information 

We would also like to share interesting research that could help ease your nerves, build your confidence, and prepare you to deal with interactions with their children in the future. This research highlighted some important points kids shared about their single-parent dating. Many of them wanted to feel included in what they called the "dating phenomenon," often using words like "us," "our," and "we," showing how much they value being part of the process. While most kids were open to the idea of their parents dating, not knowing who their parents were seeing made them anxious and nervous. They also drew a parallel between how the new partner treated them and their parents. They talked a lot about boundaries, saying, "He should respect my wishes, stop tickling if I tell him to, and not act like he’s my dad or come down hard on me." Unclear roles or boundaries can already cause some stress for kids. Being open and respectful of their feelings can make a big difference in helping them feel comfortable. 

After some time passes, you can share this research with your partner to show you did your homework and apply the findings to your case if you wish.