General Sex Questions

How does one deal with different libidos in a relationship?

It is important to use effective strategies in order to deal with sexual desire discrepancy. Communication is crucial for this matter. Expressing sexual needs and desires will improve the couple well-being while ignoring these issues may lead to disengagement between partners. It is necessary to understand that individuals within a couple may experience different types of desire. Some may feel spontaneous sexual desire while others may have a responsive sexual desire.

It is important to find strategies that can be led by the couple rather than individually. Research shows that normally the most common strategies that people take to mitigate sexual desire discrepancy include masturbation, engaging in a different sexual activity or having sex without feeling desire.

Research has also shown that women’s sexual desire may decrease as relationship length increases (Ainsworth & Baumeister, 2012; Klusmann, 2002; Murray & Milhausen, 2012a)

Partnered strategies that can be very effective in achieving higher levels of relationship and sexual satisfaction include, exploring and scheduling different activities for intimacy. For example cuddling, kissing, massages. Which can naturally can lead to sexual activity.

Finally practicing mindfulness can improve sexual desire by putting a non judgamental regard to it and bringing awareness of the present moment, for example, by focusing in the sensations of the body. Mindfulness can improve sexual desire arousal,lubrication and overall sexual satisfaction.

All these strategies can help to improve and maintain intimacy and satisfaction within a couple.

References:

Scientific articles:

Strategies for Mitigating Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Relationships. Archives of Sexual Behavior:

Vowels, L. M., & Mark, K. P. (2020). Strategies for Mitigating Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Relationships. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(3), 1017.

Group mindfulness-based therapy significantly improves sexual desire in women. Behaviour Research and Therapy

Brotto, L. A., & Basson, R. (2014). Group mindfulness-based therapy significantly improves sexual desire in women. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 57, 43-54. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2014.04.001

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0005796714000497

Psychology magazine:

"How Couples Can Cope with Different Libidos, Sexual Desire" from Psychology today

Link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/insight-is-2020/201303/how-couples-can-cope-with-different-libidos-sexual-desire

Video:

Navigate different libidos with mindful love

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ADw3RiM8X8